What living with NARCISSISTS thought me so far?!
They do themselves and I HAVE to do me, better!
That is my greatest learning I want to share with you. How did I reach this conclusion? Well, let me tell you.
I was born in the narcissistic — post-communist country, into the family with more narcissists than empaths. I was highly sensitive, super-spiritual, loving, caring, forgiving and naïve nature. I even repressed my skills so others can shine. I know I am not alone.
To me, super-spiritual means that I could always sense everything (feelings, moods, worries, right words, headaches..), see the true self in people, which made me talk to people’s potential rather than to where they are at now. This is something called “great ground for narcissists and vampires”! So welcome, welcome.
Another ‘issue’ I had was that I sensed and saw the truth and lies. Now it’s a very useful skill, yet growing up with manipulators wasn’t too enjoyable, because how they put you under control is that they tell you, that you are wrong in what you think, see and say. They teach you to relay on them.
Now, this is the first sign of narcissism “you are constantly wrong”, elsewhere you are pretty accurate! Everybody who ever dealt with a narcissist knows that this is the first red light.
An empath will usually tell you that you are fine and you surely didn’t mean wrong.
But how do we call somebody in the middle, between narcist and empath? Are there just two camps? Of course NOT..
Let me create a name for the third category, we will be called “just me”.
Why?
Well because narcissists want something from you, empaths want to give, help & save.
Where in ‘ just me’ category are people who are happy with who they are and they have no problem to say “NO” or to go into disagreement and they will NOT suck it up for the peaceful atmosphere.
MEANS, they will not give anybody their’s life energy. They believe that we all have everything we need inside self and by feeding others with our energy (in the end, it’s all about energy) they take away the opportunity to grow into authentic self-actualising self.
I used to believe that harmony & nonjudgement is everything. I am a libra. Now I know that harmony can come from detachment rather than from repressing self. Detachment shows us the truth. To see who is repeatedly saying one thing, yet doing something else. We have to learn to stop repressing the FACTS. Because in this case, facts are the path to freedom.
Narcissists are great players, they read you well. They know what you want, often better than you do, and they will give it to you, make you feel special and when they know they have you they will go after a new challenge. Then just when you are ready to get “out” they will pull you back. They master turning arguments the way that you suddenly aren’t sure where the west is. Everything is skillfully turned against you.
Luckily I’m the fiery snake in Chinese horoscope which is described as somebody full of passion, a leader who does burn obstacles with wisdom. I’m not much into horoscopes but as we can see regardless of the disadvantages I was born with or into, I learnt to see through games and eliminate negative impacts of narcissists. Well done me! olallaaa!
My mother is Leo in Leo. Yes, you guessed she is good human, yet tries to be the leader of leaders, which made our relationship challenging. From here, I learnt how it looks when somebody “pushes and pulls”, constantly. Feels a bit bad to say this, considering we just had a coffee, however, I’m not sharing what I learnt to blame, rather raise our collective consciousness.
I guess also because of her I had to learn how to deal with; instead of cutting off the relations.
So what did I learn?
1)narcissist isn’t evil and the empath isn’t a saint. They dance together. And no they don’t have to.
2)narcissism is a scale, so is empathy; even combination.
3)narcissist has plenty of great skills, traits, even deep emotions-tho those are prevalently self-serving.
4)when you repeat facts and don’t let them turn attention on you (which is the first thing they will do), they will leave the room or have a meltdown because it worked for them before-detach and sense the truth. Truth is clear.
5)they will lie even if facts are clear, they don’t say “you are right” they will keep the face.
6)when you prove the truth, they will start laughing as if you are far too serious, sensitive & dramatic or ask you if they should leave…they know what you say!
7)if you outsmart them, they will admire you but don’t think for a second that they will change; small non-authentic adjustments aren’t transformative change (that comes only from touchdown!).
8)if its romance-run or at least walk. If its friend, do I even need to say it?
9)if its family create clear boundaries, minimalise time, call on facts constantly, leave the room regularly, forget about harmony or they will eat you alive. Watch that shift! People do what you let them!
10)detached, create bold presence instead of talking over and over, this puts you on the map.
11)narcissist sometimes looks like empath, sorry.
Most importantly, they count on your forgiveness and need for harmony! This is your biggest weakness in interactions with abusers.
Of course, forgiveness is essential for your enlightened feelings, however, forgiving and letting go isn’t the same as forgiving and creating emotional and energetical detachment. That’s a real impact, also only then we can see facts. If you are attached, you see just what you are shown.
So, relax.
Let me remind you that there is 7.8 billion people in the world and you deserve all that you can imagine for yourself. It hurts a bit, I know. Under their wings, we learnt, that we don’t deserve much. Good news is, that we learnt it, we will relearn it. Give me some smile, here.
We were involved with narcissists for so long that we learnt to believe that nasty people or behaviours are simply part of our lives and we as good people shall love and accept them. That nobody isn’t without flows.
Which on one side is the truth, nobody is without flow, however, we are not here to keep forgiving and forgiving the same disappointments. We are here to learn from it and create healthy detachments and consequences.
We can love people yet we can call on facts ALL THE TIME which teaches them that harmony and fear of confrontation will not keep us weak anymore. Remember? We are emotionally detached.
We can have harmony inside us and games from outside can just make us smile.
And then we can spend 90% of the time with like vibrating people with whom we share values and we can build our connections on an authentic smile…
This only will teach our brothers and sisters where the west is! More of us say FUCK NO, more of them will have to grow into better humans. I am all game, how about you?!
