LOVING YOURSELF HELPS YOU
TO EXPERIENCE PEAK PERFORMANCE.
Does it make it the most important skill we can ever learn?
The answer depends on what quality of life we want to have. The peak performance is a moment of bliss one can achieve if absorbed by the present moment and action. It’s a state of being where the best in us, literally takes over. Where everything else disappears and there is only performance.
If it is the work, an art, sports or simply being a good human being. At the same time everything we experience within our-self we project into others or upon the world.
So yes we could say that loving ourselves makes the world a better place.
Not only that. Loving self makes us feel less self-critical, more vibrant, healthier, alive and capable. Simply, a pleasure to be around.
This is why loving yourself is one of the most important skills we can ever learn.
WHY DO I CALL IT SKILL? BECAUSE MOST OF US DON’T KNOW HOW TO FEEL LOVE FOR SELF OR THAT WE CAN LEARN TO IMPROVE SELF-LOVING EVERY DAY.
It’s the same skill as any other. You look at where you are at and make progress from there.
Some of us felt self-love at some point but lost it in heartbreaks and disappointments. Others never had this experience. Being in love with self as much as being in love with the lover.
In my case, I perceived myself rejected as a child therefore I felt unlovable. Let me tell you a bit about why I had to learn about love from scratch.
A long time ago I was standing in the corner observing people’s energy, their past and possible future and I knew; that life is going to be hard for me. Or at least a big part of it. I was not far from the truth. At that time there wasn’t yet easy access to the internet where you would google what it means and how to live with it. I didn’t even know that I’m not alone, or that one day I will be helping people to understand their own similar experiences. I didn’t know that there will be the new science, able to measure unseen. My favourite quote was by Nicola Tesla:
“The day science begins to study non-physical phenomena it will make more progress in one decade than in all previous centuries of its existence.”
I didn’t understand why I saw what others didn’t and it made me feel that I don’t belong.
In order to survive, my ego introduced distancing from my feelings. Tuning into feelings of others instead. Empathy was born.
It’s hard to explain to someone who never lost sense of self, but many empaths and highly sensitive people may have a better clue of what I’m talking about. You do have lots of feelings, they can even run you, yet you don’t have a sense of self as if you didn’t know where you “end” and others “start”. You can’t tell which feelings, thoughts or needs are yours. It feels as if we are in the sea and you surf what’s there, like if it’s yours.
Back then, I didn’t know that this is consciousness.
In other words, you feel self-love if you meet somebody who has a strong sense of loving and you tune into it and sort of borrow this sensation. Then you know you are in trouble because you don’t feel it on your own.
That is how I know that to learn to sense and love yourself a bit more every day, is the most important job. It makes you more present and enjoyable.
Imagine that after making a mistake instead of the usual self-attack you simply keep your self in a positive view, just like a loving parent. Wouldn’t that worth efforts?
Being in love with self feels great. It feels like nothing else. You don’t become arrogant narcissist, on the contrary, you will reflect your inner love onto others, just like when you were in love with somebody else, remember?
Living our life with self-love is linked with having better self-image and higher self-worth which leads to embracing our potential.
Think about it this way, more you love yourself, easier you flow your potential into everything you touch. Effortlessly.
So how do we get there? Slowly! We get there very slowly. Little progress every day.
- ) Treat yourself as you would treat somebody you truly love. Text yourself every day something cute. I used to text to myself: “ I love you Jana, a little bit more than yesterday. I love you even if I don’t always like your behaviour. Whereof course I didn’t mean it at the beginning. “Fake it till you make it”.
2.) Note small things, that make you feel good, repeat and make rituals. “I’m lovable because I made my bed”. Where making the bed every morning seems like a small thing, it’s a first achievement, it makes a great start of the day. Even if I didn’t have a great day it made me feel better to get back to a tidy room.
3.) Keep some routine. Go sleep and get up at the same time as much as possible. Melatonin is an extremely important hormone produced by the brain while we sleep. Next to many benefits, it’s responsible for keeping healthy body rhythm which is super important for our vitality and good mood.
4.) Creativity is one of the greatest joy humans has the privilege to experience. Became a horrible painter, worse than bad shower singer or the one who brings the kitchen down in experimenting with new meals. Find something creative that you enjoy and do it with pride. Soon this experience will take creativity into every activity you do.
5.) Exercising is one of the healthiest ways of releasing endorphins; hormone of happiness. Take it outside whenever you can. The increased amount of oxygen brings nutrition to every cell in the body, keeping one energised and fit. Caring for the physical body increases confidence and vitality. However, let make sure that we are intending to elevate the relationship to our-self. The aim is to improve feeling good in my body instead of indulging in shallow narcissism. Many people build this way ego instead of self-love.
6.) To increase good feelings, learn to meditate or learn some relaxation techniques with a focus on breathing. Please be aware that many people quit meditating because it can connect one to difficult feelings too fast. Therefore go with guided meditations with a particular focus on mindfulness, relaxation or coherence techniques.
7.) Self — gratitude journaling. Daily writing even a few sentences about what you possibly could find positive about yourself is priceless healing method. For sure it is extremely transformational. My laptop became my best friend. I am joking, of course. However, I know that acknowledging the smallest acts of kindness or that I am a good human being, improved my relationship with myself rapidly.
8.) Limit time you spend watching The News, advertisement or other anxiety creating programs. Research shows that people who watch the news are 40% more inclined to become depressed compare to those who don’t. One can always keep informed by selecting reliable online articles. If we feel anxious or depressed we are living in survival mode where chemicals in our body create cortisol and adrenaline, which isn’t the environment for positive feelings such as aliveness or self-love.
9.) In early age, many of us absorbed believes that we aren’t lovable and this can be a very influential reason for why we don’t feel self-love. Dr Bruce Lipton professor of medicine at Harvard University teaches that our subconscious programmes and beliefs run at least 95% of our behaviour. The good news is that those can be changed in hypnotherapy and certain types of meditations, writing exercises and affirmations.
9.) The water has very cleansing effects on our emotions which is very important especially if we are learning to improve the relationship with self. Drinking water, taking a bath with the sea salt, listening to sound of the river can release endorphins, calm our emotions and clear biofield.
10.) Be tender with yourself. If you suffer while being present in your body and find challenging to deal with your emotions, please don’t force it. I can highly recommend audiobook by Bessel van Kolk “Your body keeps the score” where you can learn more about emotions and effective methods for dealing with them.
Let me summarise. Why I’m a little bit more lovable today is because I don’t try to fool myself anymore.
I dare to look at myself and see where I’m at; self-hate, self-liking, self-acceptance, self-loving, self-compassion or being in love with myself.
Very important thing is to be aware that emotions and states of being are fluid, they come and go. Our WellBeing and peak performance lie in the balance because when we are in the centre, time disappears and we let go of worries and all there is now is the performance & being.
Therefore it’s not about never having unpleasant feelings, rather observing and allowing. That makes emotions fluid coming and going. It means we let our-self to be vulnerable and search for what we truly need in order to feel safe and more stable. Not dismissing our feelings, neither indulging in them. However vulnerability isn’t the goal, rather signal of pain needing attention and healing.
…..then just touch your heart, breath in and intent to connect to the source of life within. Ask :” How can I love myself a bit more?”
